I guess when TBouds yelled at me in the parking lot that a bud light back pack (there wasn't Bud Light in it) wasn't appropriate I should have stopped, dropped and ran. I was in my Sunday finest though (yes I wore a skirt and nice top - I thought I would be dancing in the aisles (I didn't). Anyway, I walk into this ridiculous oversize room with robots (okay, okay they were humans but they acted like robots during the service/koolaid drinking) and a tv crew set up. This can't be right. There was a couch on stage (yes there was a stage) like where was I an elaborate Oprah set - wtf.
I won't even get into the shocking comments the lead kool aid giver said just that it was close minded, shockingly full of negative and hate and pathetic. Bethany Church you can kiss my Indian, open minded, accordingly to you faithless ass. So what did I do about 20 min into the service I started to play angry bird. I actually completed a few tough levels but not to the dismay of the lady behind me "um can you go do that outside?" "Um...hmm...no". Or the lady beside me who felt to write me a note during the service (THE GAME WAS ON SILENT BTW nosy old bitches). So I am sitting there and every know and then he would play a clip about what is wrong with society and he plays this one from Modern Family with the two gay guys and they say "we are queer and we are here" and then morphs it into some like weird audio repeating the line. I felt it appropriate to clap. No one else did.
I particularly liked the whole dialogue on consumerism and the attainment of money and how that is wrong and then in the next breath sent a pot around asking for money. I took some out.
In the end the lady beside me really did write me a note and tapped me on the arm - while I was on a particularly difficult level - and put it beside me. I didn't even blink after the service I got up and left unfortunately she chased TBouds down (her and her damn broken toe) and gave her the note. TBouds also gave her my name. Gawd there is some robot in Louisiana praying for my soul as I type. TBouds proceeds to bring the note to the car and hands it to me. WTF. I threw it on the ground. I am not a litterer, however I felt that Church parking lot needed some impurity. I never did read the note but of course nosy Nora TBouds did and said it something about God loving me. Right. Anyway, big ups to Peter for the Bad Meets Evil CD because I opened up the windows and played it on top volume as I drove outta there.
Church was a miss but I think they have church on Wednesday so I am gonna find HIM/HER damn it.
After being told what a bad person I was, who doesn't want to have Joe's Crab Shack for lunch? hmmm if in Baton Rouge, Joe's Crab Shack mmm mmmm so good. Then it was off to a good old bayou swamp tour. Um awesome in the 106 degree heat, like no really it was friggen amazing. So much fun. Butch and Shawn of cajuncountrytours.com are kick ass. We saw everything blue herons, egrets, red something or other herons, swallows, huge like Harry Potter size spiders, alligators, frogs....it was like the Princess and the Frog without all the overt racism.
It was just a regular 10 seater boat and the way you would imagine how a swamp/lake would look. And he took us all in the backwater areas...showing us around and kinda being humourous. I had to stop turning around and looking at him because his zipper was wide open the entire tour.....nicely done. K but anyway, he's telling us about this nature hike he is going to drop us off on and pick us up on the other side and we will see raccoons and all sorts of bayou animals. I start to think like really raccoons can live in the same area as alligators? That can't be right like it impacts the cycle of life. How does that work? Whatever I guess and plus there really is no "trail". So as I am considering my hike in the bayou at 106 degrees, an alligator pops up mouth open on the left side of the boat. People are screaming, I can't see shit but I do see ICarly jump out of her seat and stand up. Like she was gonna wrestle the damn thing. That kid had no fear whatsoever. Man TBouds and I laughed. Meanwhile, old broken toe, was thinking to herself there is no way I am getting out of this boat and walking. She said when that alligator lifted its head out of the water she didn't scream, she just stopped breathing. Shit after that it was giggle fits.
Like I said the guy would tell us different things about the bayou and the nature within it. At one point he is telling us about nymph (sp) flies. Little tiny flies that fly around. But about 3 feet away from us was an alligator resting full body out of water on a rock. Um Shawn nobody cares about the bloody nymph flies we are about the 100 lb carnivorous animal 3 feet away. That was until he lured a baby alligator to the boat and we all got to pet it (feels like a nice purse probably Chanel).
We finished up with Shawn who never did pull his zipper up and headed to Lafayette where for 20 minutes I learned about why I should not drink RedBull. Thank you ICarly, so I agreed that I would cut back on the RedBull consumption. I really did agree to that. Good Lord. Lafayette sucked so back to BR. I gotta say though the drive from Layfayette to Baton Rouge or whatever is pretty amazing, at least 30 miles is on a bridge over a swamp. Um how cool is that. There were nymph flies right under me as I drove.
For supper we had...you guessed it....alligator. Well really I think it was appropriate don't you? And who paid for supper? Ha no one, we all managed to put our phones away the entire day without checking them. We all walked with our heads a little higher after that, but then spent the next 2 hours texting and updating while Country Strong played in the background.......
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