110 degrees with humidity

excerts of conversation between Bons and ICarly -

hey carly, theres this thing on the right side of your steering wheel, its called a signal lever, when you move it up or down it sends a signal to your system and to other drivers you are turning.

oh, i have never used it.

clearly.

in other bright ideas/antics poor idea to go for a 5km at 11 am in sweats. after i dehydrated myself i found a K Store (like sev) and stood in the beer cooler cooling off until the clerk asked me if i was actually going to buy something. holy uptight.

the second classy move was going to the tatto shop for a consult. i was talking to the guy who was going to ink my body for life and this other guy comes in and says 'does anyone have a toyota camry?'. um no now back to me, he keeps going on and me as irritated as possible look outside and yeah it wasnt a toyota camry it was a toyota corolla and it was mine. mine that had rolled right into the middle of the street because i didnt put the parking brake on. i guess i needed a conversation with me about the lever between the drivers and passenger seat.

so tomorrow is Bons, TBouds and ICarly day (its their only day off) so we have declared it no phone day (lets see who breals first and to keep it interesting who ever breaks first has to buy supper). first we gonna hit up JC at Bethany Church then probably find me a cajun. kidding swamp tour i guess. maybe use one of the three cats they have as alligator bait. we have to do sitting things as TBouds broke her toe (smdh).

2652 kms thats the magic number

There, not there and back yet but there. Shit what a long ass haul today and what was up with the tropical downpour for 7 of the 13 hours? Really not necessary, whatevs, I rolled up to LSUlike i was in my senior year ready to rule the school.

But first the day, started out with just a rank fire alarm at 05.30, ha my first thought was really and ready to rip the door open and yell around, but then I remembered grade 3 and was like oh is the door handle hot (it wasn't) needless to say I got up and rather then jumping in the shower and on the road I made the wide choice to watch Loverboy. Yeah Loverboy the 1989 classic with Patrick Dempsey as a gigolo. Classic. I am glad I dedicated 60 minutes. I feel like it was the equivalent of reading Romeo and Juliet in old English......

Wilson and I would like to take this opportunity right now to point out to any American's that may be reading this you people have to be the stupidest, most selfish drivers, no really. I don't think driving is that hard but you guys manage to make it difficult. I will share a secret with you - left lane faster, right line slower. Easy peasy try it out. When you look in that thing that is to the right of you on the windshield (its the rearview) and you see someone right behind you, move. Pretty straightforward. Also pay more taxes its just that simple.

So in other things learnt today, Loretta Lynn Ranch (one of the most visited attractions in Tennessee) hosts the AMA Amateur National Motocross Championship (sponsored by Red Bull btw). Its a six day motocross summer vacation that assembles 42 riders in 34 classes based on age, skill and displacement (I stole that). Anyway, I saw a sign that said Loretta Lynn Ranch and who doesn't love coal miners daughter? So I pulled in and holy guacamole fields, seriously fields (plural) of RV's. I was like what the hell JACKPOT. Free redbull, motocross racers and Loretta Lynn playing in the background? Who needs Baton Rouge, meh. As I walked around the ranch I was all I could do not to yell around "dew, dew". hahahaha

After that stop I decided there would be no more stops, only gas and if necessary washroom. Time is money damn it and I need to make some. So I threw on the tunes and drove like Ricky Bobby, not even lying. I decided two things, I still support nuclear power (duh don't build a reactor on a fault line) and I am getting a new tattoo, or rather an addition to my tat from last summer. I haven't figured out how yet but def gonna do it. Another tat in the dirty south, T Bouds is gonna do it with me too and hell maybe even ICarly will jump in the action. In any case, I had been thinking for about 8 months on what and where and finally it came to me on I55S where all epiphanies happen logically. Maybe peeps from the Liberal Party ought to spend some time here thinking, contemplating….just sayin.

I made my grand entrance into Baton Rouge at 20.15 pm and immediately knew exactly where to go just by instinct, okay I didn’t. But I did remember Boutin Balls (idk what they are so don’t ask they are just scrumptious, mmmmm Louisiana peeps you make some good food and after 2652 kms in 37 hours I so didn’t care the name of the delicious dish. So now starts my official just chill the fox out - read, sleep, run, sweat, eat, walk, sleep, sweat. Glorious.

I only have two to do’s while I am here – go to Church on Sunday and a tattoo. I like to keep it simple.

2652 kms thats the magic number

There, not there and back yet but there. Shit what a long ass haul today and what was up with the tropical downpour for 7 of the 13 hours? Really not necessary, whatevs, I rolled up to LSUlike i was in my senior year ready to rule the school.

But first the day, started out with just a rank fire alarm at 05.30, ha my first thought was really and ready to rip the door open and yell around, but then I remembered grade 3 and was like oh is the door handle hot (it wasn't) needless to say I got up and rather then jumping in the shower and on the road I made the wide choice to watch Loverboy. Yeah Loverboy the 1989 classic with Patrick Dempsey as a gigolo. Classic. I am glad I dedicated 60 minutes. I feel like it was the equivalent of reading Romeo and Juliet in old English......

Wilson and I would like to take this opportunity right now to point out to any American's that may be reading this you people have to be the stupidest, most selfish drivers, no really. I don't think driving is that hard but you guys manage to make it difficult. I will share a secret with you - left lane faster, right line slower. Easy peasy try it out. When you look in that thing that is to the right of you on the windshield (its the rearview) and you see someone right behind you, move. Pretty straightforward. Also pay more taxes its just that simple.

So in other things learnt today, Loretta Lynn Ranch (one of the most visited attractions in Tennessee) hosts the AMA Amateur National Motocross Championship (sponsored by Red Bull btw). Its a six day motocross summer vacation that assembles 42 riders in 34 classes based on age, skill and displacement (I stole that). Anyway, I saw a sign that said Loretta Lynn Ranch and who doesn't love coal miners daughter? So I pulled in and holy guacamole fields, seriously fields (plural) of RV's. I was like what the hell JACKPOT. Free redbull, motocross racers and Loretta Lynn playing in the background? Who needs Baton Rouge, meh. As I walked around the ranch I was all I could do not to yell around "dew, dew". hahahaha

After that stop I decided there would be no more stops, only gas and if necessary washroom. Time is money damn it and I need to make some. So I threw on the tunes and drove like Ricky Bobby, not even lying. I decided two things, I still support nuclear power (duh don't build a reactor on a fault line) and I am getting a new tattoo, or rather an addition to my tat from last summer. I haven't figured out how yet but def gonna do it. Another tat in the dirty south, T Bouds is gonna do it with me too and hell maybe even ICarly will jump in the action. In any case, I had been thinking for about 8 months on what and where and finally it came to me on I55S where all epiphanies happen logically. Maybe peeps from the Liberal Party ought to spend some time here thinking, contemplating….just sayin.

I made my grand entrance into Baton Rouge at 20.15 pm and immediately knew exactly where to go just by instinct, okay I didn’t. But I did remember Boutin Balls (idk what they are so don’t ask they are just scrumptious, mmmmm Louisiana peeps you make some good food and after 2652 kms in 37 hours I so didn’t care the name of the delicious dish. So now starts my official just chill the fox out - read, sleep, run, sweat, eat, walk, sleep, sweat. Glorious.

I only have two to do’s while I am here – go to Church on Sunday and a tattoo. I like to keep it simple.

2652 kms thats the magic number

There, not there and back yet but there. Shit what a long ass haul today and what was up with the tropical downpour for 7 of the 13 hours? Really not necessary, whatevs, I rolled up to LSUlike i was in my senior year ready to rule the school.

But first the day, started out with just a rank fire alarm at 05.30, ha my first thought was really and ready to rip the door open and yell around, but then I remembered grade 3 and was like oh is the door handle hot (it wasn't) needless to say I got up and rather then jumping in the shower and on the road I made the wide choice to watch Loverboy. Yeah Loverboy the 1989 classic with Patrick Dempsey as a gigolo. Classic. I am glad I dedicated 60 minutes. I feel like it was the equivalent of reading Romeo and Juliet in old English......

Wilson and I would like to take this opportunity right now to point out to any American's that may be reading this you people have to be the stupidest, most selfish drivers, no really. I don't think driving is that hard but you guys manage to make it difficult. I will share a secret with you - left lane faster, right line slower. Easy peasy try it out. When you look in that thing that is to the right of you on the windshield (its the rearview) and you see someone right behind you, move. Pretty straightforward. Also pay more taxes its just that simple.

So in other things learnt today, Loretta Lynn Ranch (one of the most visited attractions in Tennessee) hosts the AMA Amateur National Motocross Championship (sponsored by Red Bull btw). Its a six day motocross summer vacation that assembles 42 riders in 34 classes based on age, skill and displacement (I stole that). Anyway, I saw a sign that said Loretta Lynn Ranch and who doesn't love coal miners daughter? So I pulled in and holy guacamole fields, seriously fields (plural) of RV's. I was like what the hell JACKPOT. Free redbull, motocross racers and Loretta Lynn playing in the background? Who needs Baton Rouge, meh. As I walked around the ranch I was all I could do not to yell around "dew, dew". hahahaha

After that stop I decided there would be no more stops, only gas and if necessary washroom. Time is money damn it and I need to make some. So I threw on the tunes and drove like Ricky Bobby, not even lying. I decided two things, I still support nuclear power (duh don't build a reactor on a fault line) and I am getting a new tattoo, or rather an addition to my tat from last summer. I haven't figured out how yet but def gonna do it. Another tat in the dirty south, T Bouds is gonna do it with me too and hell maybe even ICarly will jump in the action. In any case, I had been thinking for about 8 months on what and where and finally it came to me on I55S where all epiphanies happen logically. Maybe peeps from the Liberal Party ought to spend some time here thinking, contemplating….just sayin.

I made my grand entrance into Baton Rouge at 20.15 pm and immediately knew exactly where to go just by instinct, okay I didn’t. But I did remember Boutin Balls (idk what they are so don’t ask they are just scrumptious, mmmmm Louisiana peeps you make some good food and after 2652 kms in 37 hours I so didn’t care the name of the delicious dish. So now starts my official just chill the fox out - read, sleep, run, sweat, eat, walk, sleep, sweat. Glorious.

I only have two to do’s while I am here – go to Church on Sunday and a tattoo. I like to keep it simple.

wait i remembered

Two things of note - firstly if you plan on embarking on a 26 hour trip do not do 62 lunges and 70 squats the day before....just saying

Secondly, um I don't know if any other travellers or American's are concerned but there is an awful lot of Adult Superstores off the interstate in Ohio....really? As such I did not stop in proceeding rest areas

Eat my dust, burn my rubber

True to form I did leave before 9 but not at 5 am, perfect even managed a bowl of cereal before I left, s m r t. As noted before I bought a huge tin of Tim Horton's coffee for my cousin and this can well, it has become my "wilson". It rides shotgun with me with a seatbelt, we chat about the endless corn fields in Ohio and who we can totally see why Children of the Corn came to fruition. But best of all, Timmy listens to me sing like I am on stage to a crowd of 38,000 and being broadcast live world wide just singing.

On that note, thank you thank you and thank you to my sister Bev for the satellite radio, will get materially recognized on this trip. I loved rolling up in Cincinnati listening to Shade 45 I totally fit in.

On the other hand I would like to find the creators of talk radio and give em a cuff upside the head....with a hammer. Like really its like everyone is entitled to my opinion, good grief and I don't think of the talkers were happy it was Obama's 50th bday today. (Wilson and I sang happy birthday.)

I made it to northern Kentucky which was my goal and if I get up early enough I should be able to hit Baton Rouge tomorrow night. Yes, yes and yes. Definitely winning and in time for the Jersey Shore premier I LOVE HOLIDAYS.

Nothing to report on the food -Applebees cha always gourmet and the weather is just regular Ottawa hot, not deep south hot yet, thats tomorrow just over the top excited

Pre Cannonball Run 2011

"I got that 'excited/scared' feeling. Like 98-percent excited, 2-percent scared. Or maybe it's more. It could be, it could be 98-percent scared, 2-percent excited but that's what makes it so intense."

Thank you Owen Wilson for summing it up so eloquently and thank you Michael Bay for directing Armageddon, really quite the classic. Anyway I am pretty much ready, I getting up at the crack of dawn, well before 9 anyway, and hitting the road. I am gonna figure out how to post pictures on this damn blog, I tell ya blogger will not win this round, oh and I have decided to call this trip "cannonball run 2011" thank you to my brother Bill (even though he didn't like my status on FB I will still give him a hat tip) for the idea.

I checked the temperature and its +37 but feels like 50! WTF imma cook, but really I love the heat probably why I will do well in hell...just saying. But my cousin Taryne, who probably won't read this and got a mention, has a pool and air con and if that fails man you can find me in a Target just shopping with Housewives of Baton Rouge.

Taryne has requested Timmy's coffee (puhleeze), smarties (I bet if they had smarties in America they would be willing to pay more tax and thus the issue of the debt ceiling falls to the wayside and more important issues like red smarties vs blue arise ;) and dark chocolate um hello America its more healthy for you? yeesh

Taryne has informed me that she has a pool, I don't care if the pool hasn't been cleaned this century at +50 imma be diving, its probably one of those little kid pools that are on sale at London Drugs but ah shit, who cares I will be in Louisana with what I am sure are all my second cousins.

Peeps I am out I have to prep the car for the am (this includes taking a qtip and cleaning the vents, vacuuming - cha it means filling up the windshield washer fluid (not taking a drink) and the gas tank). I will update from America tomorrow with pictures damn it.

bons j