Faith?

Been awhile since I posted on here to the masses - all 8 of you and my mom. I was just thinking when I woke up this am and was thinking about some stuff and wanted to share it and I also forgot to charge both my phones so that limited my ability to do so whether be email, text messaging FB or Twitter anything - for real. Cripes.

Recently my mom went to the Rome for a trip of sorts, she was able to take part in the cannonization ceremony of Saint Kateri (Mohawk woman) and to attend to the grave of a Muskeg Lake soldier who died in action in Ortona. Pretty interestng trip I would say.  My mom being my mom came back bearing gifts of sorts for her children, her adult children.  I, being my mother's & grandmother's daughter, said when asked what do you think of this purse? Answered truthfully, I don't. It was after the words left my mouth did I realize the purse was brought back from Rome for me - asshole.  Thankfully, my mother didn't stop there with the gifts. She bought us all little beautiful thoughtful trinkets. 

Before I go forward I feel I should talk about my struggles with faith - I was born and raised Catholic, like there wasn't a Sunday mass we would miss growing up but when I turned around 16 I didn't really feel it was for me. Now this could be because I was questioning the basic tenants of Christianity against my values or because I was legal to drive and could go out on Saturday night much easier. I am not sure. In any case, I pulled away from the church and attend generally for funerals. However with the addition of my nieces I have been encouraged to go to mass on Christmas Eve. And by encouraged I mean stared at my 3 sets of eyes pleading me to go "bc it will be fun" - dead pan stare.

I have also talked to others about their faith - Jewish folks (Dan counts), Buddhists, talk to athiests,   spent 3 days in Angkor Wat, have gone to black baptist churches in the south and for the haters well what about your own culture yep have gone to ceremony and spoke with Elders and been fortunate to speak with Elders across the country.  Yet I haven't found one that I am like yep thats what I am.

Anyway, back to me, cha its all about me, but really back to the gifts. One of the gifts mom gave to me was bracelet. Now I am not really a jewelry person mostly because it involves mixing and matching and my two go to colours are grey and black. She put it on right away and told me it was a rosary bracelet. Now believe me I know what the rosary is and how to use it and gave her the raised eyebrow look. But it is kinda cute.

So for the past couple days I have grabbed the beads and kinda started thinking "hey, hmm, y o u whoever or whatever you is" and just saying little things like thanks for not letting me fall there on the street - we both knew it could have happened or when I see those three little girls and their big eyes laughing yeah I am pretty thankful or when the doctor told my dad that he was confident the cancer was gone I grabbed the bead and said thank you out loud. (Of course this doctor thought I was thanking him smiled that irritatingly I know your welcome smile, another eye roll). Or when I was just having a really tough day and played with the beads offering up prayers for y o u to stand with me and give me strength to go forward. Maybe its just a bracelet that I am using for a crutch or maybe its another step in my faith adventure.

In any case, both phones are charged now.